Fred Levinson, MFT
415-457-2573
The birth of a sibling is usually a profound shock
for a young child. No matter how much parents prepare the older child, he or
she is being “dethroned.” The child often feels displaced, uprooted, confused,
hurt or ambivalent. On the other hand older children often feel pride,
superiority and empowerment. The most important message that parents can give
the older child is that they are important and loved and that laps are large
enough for two children.
·
Recognize that older siblings are often still
babies or toddlers themselves.
·
Take out the older child’s baby photographs. Bring
them to the hospital and display them around the house.
·
Take out the older child’s baby book and videos.
Show him pictures and tell stories about when he/she was a baby. “Remember when you were this small, Dad and I
use to sit in this chair to feed you your bottle”.
·
Get babies on supplemental bottles and enlist the
help of the older child in feeding the baby.
·
Tell the older child you need his/her help in
caring for the baby.
·
Let the older child know his/her feelings are okay.
“I know that sometimes it can be hard having a baby in our family”.
·
The older child needs special planned time with
each parent.
·
If the older child hurts the baby, the parent needs
to explain, “I will not let your sister hurt you and I will not let you hit
your sister…we don’t hit in our family”.
·
Sometimes tell the baby, “Sorry you must wait, I’m
reading to Sara right now.”
·
It is important to talk about your feelings. “I
love your sister but sometimes her crying gets to me…I wish she would sleep
more.’
·
Talk about missing your time alone with the older
sibling. “I miss our time alone, why don’t we go to the park together later
today. We can get a baby sitter to take care of Susie”.
·
Give the older child as much love and attention as
possible.